Moving Forward

Although it is easy to slip into a path of least resistance, when a parent of someone with Asperger Traits (AT), it is not healthy for anyone. It is important to ask yourself often ’Am I setting them up for independence or dependence?’ None of us will live forever, and our children with AT’s are so very capable of succeeding in all areas of their life. 

In order for your child/young adult to reach their full potential, they need to be prompted to push their comfort and address skill deficit areas from a supportive informed manner.  Having Asperger Traits (AT) is a gift, but a gift that needs laser focused work on social communication and daily living skills. 

When our kids (and young adults) perpetually struggle with social interaction it is hurtful and has lasting consequences. It is easy to see how they can become angry and detached as peer rejection is demoralizing,  

Social communication skills are necessary in all aspects of life (school, work, and all relationships).  People with Asperger Traits are often very bright individuals, so this gap can be excruciating for them and others to reconcile. People often assume that their child (or student)  is making a behavioral choice when they avoid social interactions or lean into challenging social behavior patterns. However,  it is almost always a reflection of skill deficits.   Skill deficits that need to be taught by someone that understands their neurological makeup and can individualize a plan for rapid Improvement. 

If we want our kids with AT to grow up to be healthy independent adults, we must provide them with skill development opportunities from a place where they can experience success.  They are incredibly capable, they simply learn differently. 

Sadly, I have met many young adults with Asperger Traits allowed to play video games all day in the proverbial basement.  This is not good for them and not healthy for you.  They need to be taught from a place they can understand and see rapid success.  

Don’t know where to start?  

Try this:

Teach them one basic life skill or social skills from a very explicit place.  Role playing helps. 

Logically present the information they need.  Do so in a concise clear manner.  Think in terms of breaking down each skill in micro steps.

Have them restate what they perceive you’re  saying they need to do.  Patiently re-present information until they have a clear understanding.

Write steps down (concise explicit manner).

After much success and copious amounts of praise for small gains, you can slowly  bump up their expectations around the home.  

If they don't  do their own laundry, clean their own room....start there. 

If they don’t have a job and are old enough, help find them a volunteer in an area of interest. 

At first, only praise the effort, not the end product.  

You know your child better than anyone. 

You know where you need to start. 

Trust your gut and make it fun :)